To Dad…

When I was about 16, I found my “baby book” in my dad’s cupboard – a little book that had a record of nearly everything from when I was born till I was in grade 4! It details my being born, who came to see me as a baby, when I grew my teeth, when I crawled, when I walked, my best friends – and though the book itself had ended after the first year, my dad had scribbled on the edges, and at the back and kept recording the events and people in my life. To me, it was probably the one thing that proved to me how deeply my dad cared about every tiny little thing in my life.

My dad was always incessantly asking me questions when I was a kid (rather than the other way round!!)… I remember that when I came back from school, he would keep asking about my day, my teachers, my friends, my friend’s parents, their other friends, my classwork, my classmates and the things we had done. I remember being somewhat annoyed at the continuous questioning… usually the questions went on until I had to tell him that I simply did not know… He loved that I was a bookworm and usually let me buy all the books I wanted – and occasionally, he bought books for me, some of which helped evolve my taste for classics and literature, and shaped a good bit of who I am. He loved that I wrote, even when I wrote stuff so long and boring that he fell asleep reading it. He would tell me to participate in everything that was going on at school — even stuff like extempore speech– which I was really terrible at – and I am not exaggerating! (My one attempt at extempore speech had me walk up to the mic, say the customary “Respected Principal, Teachers and my dear friends” and then stare at the audience wordlessly for a few seconds wondering what the heck I was supposed to say, before saying – “Thank you” and getting outta’ there). I wrote essays, sang songs, acted in dramas, danced, recited, created wall magazines, drew, painted and quizzed my way through my school life. (I did balk at athletics though– at which I sucked so much that even “terrible” is an understatement – but my brother more than made up for that – football, cricket, tennis – he did them all – but that, of course, is another post altogether!). Growing up in a country like Saudi Arabia, I probably had more fun at school than many girls in much less restrictive environments, because my dad taught me early to make use of every opportunity to try something, even if I did not win it, because it was an interesting experience. I also learned to deal with competition without expecting to win every time! – a lesson that’s pretty useful when I met the “real” world.

I remember my dad calling a family conference when I was six – which was of course, me, my younger brother and Mom. He told us gravely that he had been offered a position in a different city and he wanted our opinion on whether he should take it. He explained that it was a better position, but that my brother and I would have to change schools, and so would miss our friends and teachers. I thought about it and said OK (I think!). This was my dad – he always made us feel like we were part of the family decision-making process, that we had a choice and could share our opinions. I was rarely arbitrarily asked to do something. It was explained to me why he believed it was what I should do, and left up to me to decide – and he was usually good at accepting when I made a different decision as well.

He had me start to travel alone from Saudi to India and back from when I was ten– which, at the time, meant I would fly to Mumbai, go through immigration, customs etc., take the shuttle to the domestic airport and catch the connecting flight to Calicut – and sometimes even get the ’pre-paid’ cab to my home. While I am sure he had his friends check on me at every point on the way – for me, the fact that I could do this small thing alone helped me believe much more in what I could potentially do. As a girl, instead of over-protecting me, my dad gave me opportunities to stand and do things on my own, manage situations and make my own decisions from when I was young. I have made some pretty bad ones, and some pretty good ones, but it is unbelievably empowering to me that I made them – not anyone else. It made all the difference in the world because I always knew I was no helpless victim.

I get a lot of things from my dad, some good, some maybe not so good 🙂 – my love and interest for trying different cuisines, for debate and discussions, of tea, of family, of ghazals and song lyrics, of politics and world events, my respect for and interest in education – and also my dislike for crowds, my introverted nature, my dislike for financial risk-taking, my small and intimate set of friends… I could probably go on for hours. I also get an intensely emotional nature from him. I can guarantee you that my dad got teary-eyed every single time my brother or I stepped on stage or won something, no matter how innocuous the occasion. And I confess – I am as bad or worse – I get teary eyed about six times a day – with everything from news to cute internet videos! And while I might not advertise that and may blink it away blaming dust or eye strain or some such thing – I actually do like that about myself. I feel and care deeply about things, and the ability to care, to be passionate, to be so invested in life, to experience it so fully – is an amazing gift.

Fathers’ day this year happens to fall on my dad’s birthday. I am rather far away — I could send him flowers, or have him go out to dinner, or gift him something. But I know he would like this more than anything I buy for him. I think it’s about time that I thanked him for being the wonderful dad that he is – I can honestly say that I owe a lot of my successes to my parents, and to their wisdom in the things they taught me – and many of my failures to not learning that well enough! I know I could probably have been a much better daughter, but there is really no way my dad could have been a better father.

Happy Birthday, Daddy- and Happy Father’s day! There is no one who deserves to be celebrated more…!

[P.S. – Mom, I owe you one of these as well :). You’re no less amazing, but it is Father’s day ;)]